| G | O | L | F | H | O | L | E | S | ...Not Too Famous Quips | |
Golfholes quips are not golf jokes. Golf jokes are common. Golfholes quips are unique to the situation. Jokes are meant to make others laugh. While Golfholes quips can do that, they can also be used to distract an opponent (by accident of course). Quips could be considered a secret weapon in the golfer's arsenal. It is important to note that I do not recommend blasting quip after quip anytime a golfer groans, which would of course not be proper golf etiquette. Rather a quip should be mentally inventoried and used only with discretion and/or cleverness, apropos to the moment at hand. Always remember that a Golfholes quip without rhythm is like a golf joke without a punch line.
Below is the start of a quip list that may grow as new ones are added from time to time.
| Situation | Golfhole Quip | By |
| A short drive but in the center of fairway. Golfer whines about his ball's distance. | Don't belittle a ball in the middle | JW |
| A bad shank into the woods behind a tree. Golfer bitches to his ball about his lie. | Always be kind to a ball you can find. | JW |
| Golfer dribbles the ball to the edge of the woods, turns and complains about your movement, sound(s), presence - whatever. | Never quibble after a dribble. | JW |
| Golfer swings hitting the ball, just missing the green ending up on the edge of the green and winces. | Never cringe when your balls on the fringe. | JW |
| Golfer leaves a 60 ft chip about 45 ft short and bitterly curses the ball after it didn't run like it was told to do. | Never talk mean to a ball on the green. | JW |
| Golfer sinks the 45 ft putt for a 6, breaks out in a conquering grin, reaches for and lights up a cigar. | Never light a stogie after a double bogie. | JW |
| Golfer turns slowly and then violently stuffs burning cigar into the quipper's open mouth. | No quip | |
| On the next hole's drive the ball just misses the water and lands on the weedy bank. | Don't fret if the ball ain't wet. (with smoking mouth) | JW |
| Golfer asks for advice after a bad hit. | Don't hack it, just whack it. | JW |
| Golfer whines about having a bad day. | Don't wine please, we have no cheese. | JW |
Got any good golf quips? If so add it below and I may add it including your name in the right column - Be not too famous!
Remember - Don't rip it - Quip it!
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Last modified:
February 08, 2011